A Heartbreaking Adoption Journey

I've spoken many times on this blog about adoption ethics. I've given thought to what I would do in certain circumstances. But the reality of an adoption gone wrong is so much more heartbreaking than I ever imagined possible, the ramifications more long term than I could ever comprehend.

I *met* Lauren through Facebook while we both tried to bring our Ugandan children home and I liked her immediately. While most of the other families seemed interested in AYAP infants (a giant pet peeve of mine and often the source of baby trafficking), Lauren and her husband wanted to adopt older children, children that might not otherwise find a forever family. She celebrated our adoption steps, gave words of encouragement, so when we finally made plans to pick up our daughter, I couldn't wait to deliver the letter and pictures to her waiting children.

While I made plans to fly to Uganda for our daughter, hoping that things would go well, yet constantly worried that something would go wrong, Lauren prepared a bedroom for her Biggies, hoping that things would go well, yet also worrying that something would go wrong. She picked out beds and wall art, hoping that her Bigs would feel at home in their new bedroom. She put thought and care into each special detail, because that's what we adoptive parents do!

As soon as we landed, I started thinking about taking Lauren's letter to her children. As someone who has depended upon others to do the same, I knew how much that letter meant! How do you convey to this chid/ren that you love them even though you've never met? How do you help prepare them for their new life, their new family? The questions crowd in. Will they like me? Will they want me as a parent?

Nathan and I rode to the orphanage with a bag of candy for the other children, but we soon realized this orphanage was beyond what we'd seen before. Hundreds of children, all rail thin, gaunt, in worn, torn, dirty clothing. I remember thinking, "Please God, let Lauren get here quickly. This is no place for her babies."

We met Winnie and Richard at the school office and while I'd expected one of the staff members to give us a more direction, more privacy, she merely pointed out the children and disappeared, leaving us struggling to talk to Winnie and Richard in a sea of attention starved children. But I did my best to tell the children that their parents were coming as soon as they could. I tried to convey how much their new parents looked forward to meeting them and taking them home to love forever. And then I asked Winnie to show me her bedroom.

Again, I couldn't believe my eyes. Row after row after row of triple bunks, surrounded by ratty, torn mosquito nets. Again I thought to myself, "Please God, let Lauren get her quickly." As beautiful, shy Winnie held the picture of her family, bigger girls came to demand a look. And I thought to myself, "Those girls are jealous. Please God, let Lauren get here as soon as possible. I don't think these bigger girls are nice to her babies."

I look back now on that trip to the orphanage, what had been one of my favorite days, a day of delivering a mother's love thousands of miles away. . . .but instead of the fond memories I had, I'm overwhelmed with heartache and sadness. As I tried to express to these two sweet, shy, wonderful children how much their mother loved them, how she couldn't wait to hold them in her arms, to read them stories and to tuck them in at night. . . .I couldn't imagine how things would unfold.

After waiting and waiting, Lauren's turn finally came. She got a court date, moved her family of three to Uganda for two months, and met her children. She and her hubby went to court and got legal guardianship of these two beautiful children and finally, FINALLY felt comfortable telling her Biggies that they were going to be a family forever. A forever family.They lived together, grew together, bonded together as a family for two months while paperwork finished up. They laughed together, played together, slept together, ate together, cried together, loved together for two months.

But on the very last step, on a day that should have been filled with joy for this new family of five, Lauren and her husband learned that the US Embassy had denied the visas for her two new children, the children born in her heart so many months ago. Their stories had been fabricated. They could appeal the decision, but Lauren and her husband agreed that continuing an adoption born of corruption and lies wasn't right. Trafficking children can NEVER be right.

I cannot express how much I admire Lauren and her husband for standing up for what is right, for standing up for trafficked children everywhere, and standing up for what they believe in. I honestly don't know if I would be so brave. I don't think I could see through the fog of my own heartbreak long enough to do the right thing. And I thank God, THANK GOD, that I've never had to make that decision.

But Lauren and her hubby are in a shitty spot right now. They have adoption debt, living expenses for a trip that took much longer than it should have, and two children they are responsible for, but who will never join the their American family. This family NEEDS the help and support of the adoption community right now.


Click HERE to read more about Winnie and Richard and to support this family through their heartbreak.