Mary the STAR and the Yard From Hell

I've been. . . how shall I say this.  I've been LESS than motivated to get my yard into shape this year.  I had planters trashing up the door on the north side of the house and those horrid, empty six packs cluttering up the front entrance.  Along with some more planters, grocery bags of unplanted finds from yard saling over the weekend, some spray paint and several long forgotten painting projects.  I've got black landscapers fabric across my front lawn, piles of weeds and crabgrass I've pulled up.  Piles of bushes that Nathan cut down a couple of weeks ago have been trashing up our tree plant and I'd just come in from hanging out some clothes on our back fence because I refuse to run the dryer when it's 90 outside, when a guy from the Evansville newspaper decided to stop to do a spontaneous story on Mary the Gardner.  He'd seen her outside doing some yard work for me and stopped by to see he could do some pictures and a story.  Oh yeah.  And I didn't take a shower, brush my teeth or put on deodorant this morning.  UGH!!!

But Mary is SO happy that she's going to be famous!  We've called all the grandparents to let them know that Mary will be a STAR next Monday! 

Denny spent about two hours snapping pictures of Mary working in the yard with me.  Picking strawberries, snipping dill, pulling weeds, planting basil, digging out worms.  Hopefully it turns out well! 

and you know what?  My ass is headed outside RIGHT NOW to finish up some projects and CLEAN the yard.  Because I don't want to be the white trash family in town.  I don't want be that house that people drive by thinking, "OMG.  WHAT kind of people live there and why can't they pick their shit up!"

One Step Forward,Three Steps Back

I hesitate to blog about the yucky stuff anymore since my children have greater access to the internet and are old enough to have a greater understanding of my words as well.  That's actually why I decided to delete my post about the back to school  meltdown.  And yet, this is where I can vent, release all that pent up anger and hurt, the fear and regret.

This year, this school year anyway, I feel like we've made some great strides with Difficult Child.  In many aspects, she's improving and becoming a lovely young lady.  Yet, things are still so, so difficult.  There is still SO much work to be done.  And I feel like I'm failing.  All three of my girls have greater than normal needs, yet two of them *still* get less attention than they deserve. 

So. . . Difficult Child has developed some friendships at school.  On one hand, I am SO proud of DC, because she's friending girls that others shun, for lots of mean girl reasons.  Yet these are NOT the sort of girls that I, as her parent, want her to associate with.  One of her friends is a foster child.  With an EXTREME history.  One of her friends is a cutter.  And shock shock, DC has begun cutting herself "to relive stress".  She has an on again off again eating disorder.  She's still oppositional defiant.  She still has rage.  RAGE.  She still has revenge fantasies.  We've made progress in some of the existing issues, but it FEELS like each time we make progress in one area, an entirely new issue pops up that I didn't even think possible. 

Not for the first time since her homecoming, I feel totally overwhelmed, totally unprepared, at a complete loss as to how to proceed.  This is far beyond my own realm of experience.  I was the GOOD kid.  I didn't get into trouble.  Or at least not often.  I was shy and backward, but wasn't destructive to others and myself.  I don't know how to relate.  I CAN'T relate. 

But, we're finally seeking "professional help".  IMHO, therapists and psychologists are full of poopy kaka.  Sure, they have insights, but for somebody that refuses to acknowledge a problem, that doesn't WANT to change, that change can't be forced, no matter how much money a parent spends or how many appointments they attend.  And DC doesn't want help. Not right now.  So where does that leave us?  I'm not sure. 

Making Do

Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without.  My great grandmother lived by this.  So did Nathan's.  And in that spirit..... I took all of the random white/offwhite/used to be white sheets and pillow cases that no longer have mates after 15 years, washed them with some Rit dye, and voila!  I have 2 new sheet sets!  Oh, and I tossed in a pair of overall's that I got for Freyja for 75 cents.  They were outdated light blue, now they're blue green and look fabulous!  (you really can't see the green in this picture)

Dr. Seuss's Diabetic Coma Cake

Ok, so it didn't really turn out as I'd hoped, but Mary was impressed.  I'd actually planned on having 11 layers of cake for each year of her life, but I stopped at 7 because I a) ran out of colors and b) was afraid the already leaning cake would topple and c) I was effing tired after making 8 individual cakes, icing 8 individual cakes and rolling out 8 individual pizza crusts for each member of the family in attendance.

What you see here is 6 pounds (yes, I say POUNDS) of powdered sugar and 2 pounds of granulated sugar in the cakes.  OMG.  I seriously get sick just looking at the pictures.

But anyway.  My sweet Mary has turned 11.  Unfortunately her birthday didn't go quite as planned, but it will certainly be one she remembers!  While spending the night at Nana's house, Grammy the Alzheimer's patient woke her up 8 times, tried to bribe her with jewelry, money and candy to "be on her side", complained about how Nana abused her and her plans for "escape".  Oh yes.  Mary will remember her 11th for a VERY long time.

But other than that, my sweet girl chose roller skating with her Momma over a party at Chuck E Cheese, or going to an Indian place and movie with the family.  Sweet, sweet child!

The Winds of Change

Perhaps my mother said it best today, "When you do something, you're all in".  And so it has become with our household technology.  What began as a self imposed Facebook ban, has now become a total and complete disconnect for all of our services.  No internet.  No cable.  No Netflix. 

It's not something that I planned, more something I dreamed of, one day, maybe, trying out.  But after spending almost $200 to get our internet connection back up last week, after spending countless hours trying to contact Insight Communications with no luck and no customer service, Nathan and I both got fed up enough to just quit.  I'm 39 years old and I've had cable for my entire life.  MY ENTIRE LIFE.  And I've had an internet connection in my house since the days of AOL dial up.  Has it made me happy?  Have I made special memories?  Does it relax me?  Am I more productive by having these things?  Am I a better mother?  Am I a better wife?  Am I reaching my dreams and goals?  Am I?  Do these things make me the person I want to be, living the kind of life I want to live?  No.  The simple answer is NO.  No, no, no.

It's been a week without my daily dose of surfing and I've got to say, it's FANTASTIC.  Instead of surfing throughout the day, killing countless minutes and hours without realizing it, I've got to plan now.  I'm walking to the library with the kids, where they can play computer games, hear stories, participate in activities, watch movies, and where I can do any internet business I need to, read the newspaper, or peruse through magazines. 

Honestly, I truly thought my internet addiction was mostly under control, but I am stunned, STUNNED at how much time I wasted throughout the day, looking up this or that.  My house is clean by 9am. Dinner is fixed in the evening.  I have the time to do things I thought I was too busy to do before.  We've played more games as a family.  I've talked to my husband more each night.  I have time stretch and dance and read, where before I was too consumed by Facebook, blogger, Insight and CBS programming. 

It sounds crazy, but life is DIFFERENT.  It's better.  Take tonight for example.  My eldest child came home, acting inappropriately, engaging in rude, attention seeking behavior.  My youngest child is cranky and boohooing over every little thing.  And normally, any other night, I'd be out the door to Eville, thrifting the tension away.  Instead, since dinner was already fixed and waiting, I walked to the library, where I can compute for an hour or two, de-stress, and walk back into the house without having wasted gas, without having spent untold dollars on crap I didn't need, and having gotten a little exercise to boot! 

Tomorrow I'll probably come back to the library so that Middle Child can do research on her letter and Baby Girl can look at books and listen to Mommy read.  Friday, I'm sure we'll be back again, but perhaps the girls can do some volunteer work at the library, stuffing envelopes and putting on stamps. 

I'm happier.  I'm happier with this choice.  That's what it's all about, right?

Kitchen Decorating- After Photos

 I **flipping**  **LOVE** my new kitchen! 

 

I started with a picture out of a magazine, royal blue, white and red accents.  Then I went to Joanne Fabrics to see what they had in the way of blue, white and red and totally fell in love with the fabric I used.  So I scrapped my plan and decided to go for a sort of Moroccan cafe feel.  Not including my new stove, we spent about $300-$325 for the re-do.  My budget (stove not included) was $500.  So I feel pretty damn good!  The most expensive elements were the fabric/fabric essentials:  $110.  Paint:  $90.  And those Moroccan wind chimes set me back another $60.  $35 for the new knobs on the cabinets.  Most everything else, we had on hand.

 

Table and chairs I dragged out of different rooms.  The "table skirt", which happens to be my FAVORITE element, came from two thrifted sheers for $2.  I hacked them in half and hung half in the window and the frilly half I secured around the table.  The chairs I painted with spray paint and the red fabric on the seat cover is some leftover from my dining room chairs. 

 

 

 

 

 I did plunk out another $4 for a calendar that better matched the kitchen!  And I've got some photographs of Moroccan architecture to mat and put between the two wind chimes.  I'm just not there yet.

Pretty stove.  Clean stove.  Bigger stove.  Happy mama.

I had two crocks sitting on the counter that I didn't want to get rid of.  For one, they're big and hard to store.  And two, I actually USE them.  This one I use for sauerkraut come summertime, so I opted to just wrap my fabric around the crock and pin in the back.  The other crock, located on the opposite side of the kitchen, is "glued" and "wallpapered".  I used water from boiled rice, soaked the fabric and then molded it to the crock.  The rice water acts as a super strong starch, holding the fabric in place/in shape.

 Love, love, LOVE my new fabric!  I debated back and forth with myself, should I get the fabric I like best or stick with my original plan.  Ultimately, the fact that this fabric was discontinued sealed the deal for me.  I knew I'd be sad and sorry if I didn't snatch it up.

 So I still needed a working kitchen with plenty of storage.  So I kelp the bookshelf but added some of my Fiestaware that I collected BK (before Kids).  I'd LOVE to use ALL of my Fiestaware, but alas, I STILL have children.  And they're clumsy.  I get irritated when they break a 50cent yard sale plate.  Imagine how PEEVED I'd be if they broke a $15 plate!

 So the oak cabinet. . . . It's big.  It takes up a ton of room.  It's not totally my style.  But it's what Nathan and I bought for ourselves one Christmas when we were first married and couldn't afford much.  Which means I had to update it!  Fabric in the panes and BOOM!  Pretty cabinet!

 Which has a TON of storage and a hole in the back for the microwave cord!

 Artwork courtesy of my middle child.  She feels SO important, having contributed to the redecorating.  And to think, she didn't even charge me for this gem!