Well Duh

Truly, the hardest part of Nathan losing his job, at least right now, is worrying our children. Sophia has been good about coming to both of us to ask questions, to seek reassurance. But Mary has not. I've noticed over the past two days that she's withdrawn, not sleeping, and worried. I assumed that she was worried about not having a place to live or enough food to eat and I've been giving reassurances specifically targeted to those concerns. But those assurances haven't made her feel better, haven't taken the worry from her.

I had a duh! moment this morning, and settled Mary on my lap to ASK her what was bothering her. Such a simple thing, that. To ask your child what's on their mind. But how easy to neglect when we're already certain we know what's wrong, easy to forget when we're consumed with our own thoughts, worries and concerns.

It turns out that Mary wasn't worried about having enough food or a place to live. She knows the house is ours. She sees our stocked pantry, fridge and freezer. She helps grow food in our garden. My African angel is worried that things will happen as they do in her birth country and that Daddy will leave us to go find work in another city.

Anyone who's done any reading on modern day Africa knows that dads often do need to go to the city and sometimes even another country to find work. Sometimes mothers, brothers, sisters leave too. They are forced to leave their families alone in order to provide for them. Travel back home isn't cheap when you don't even make a dollar a day and so families stay separated for long periods of time. That's the world my babies came from. That's what my baby girl is worried about.

And rightfully so. My daughter has already lost one family, but she's in a new home with a family that loves her, takes care of her, provides for her, has fun with her. But she brought with her the knowledge that some things aren't permanent, even though they should be. In her short life span, she knows that nothing gold can stay. How unfortunate that a seven year old has already learned this lesson.

I love my daughters. And it breaks my heart that they are so worried for their family.

It's Time To Re-Think Your Footwear When. . . .

When I go thrifting, I'm always on the lookout for shoes. Women's shoes are the easiest to find, probably because there are lots of women out there that order their shoes through a catalogue and then don't return them, or because they impulse buy a pair of shoes that don't work for them (too small, too big, not the right style, not the right image, don't match anything, whatever). I've found Uggs, LLBean boots, Clarks, Tiva's, Merril's, Talbots, and Cole Haan's that are all brand new, for just a few dollars. And let me tell you, I love shoes! High heels, sandals, boots, clogs, flip flops, wedge heels; it doesn't matter! I love them all!

So today I headed out for some very cheap retail therapy and cruised into the shoe aisle of each thrift store. At the Goodwill, I saw the cutest pair of wedge heels that I decided I had to try on. I made a beeline for those babies. That is, until I overhead a woman talking to her daughters. As I approached, she announced that those shoes (pointing to my "cute" pair) looked like something a hooker would wear. I'm sure I looked like a dork as I made an abrupt left turn, but sheesh! Who wants to try on a pair of shoes in front of someone that just said they look like a hooker's shoes!?!

Hard Times and Keeping Promises

After a kick butt workout at the gym, I'm in a better frame of mind. Still not great, but much more focused. I did want to note that Nathan was not let go because of something that he did or did not do. It's an airline supplier so business is down. Over 50% of staff has been cut in the past 6 months.

There is a commercial that has been airing on TV, I'm not even sure what it's advertising, but the message is a mom and dad sitting down with their children and explaining that, although they wanted to keep their promises, they couldn't because the father had lost his job. The first time I saw the commercial, I thought to myself that it was a good thing that the powers that be were showing a family being responsible. What a good message in these hard times.



But ya know what? That conversation is a damn hard one to have. We just had it with our girls and it really does just suck the spirit right out of you. Nathan went to work this morning, with no inclination that there were any more layoffs, and was escorted out of the building per procedure. Unfortunately, office politics instead of job performance played a key role, but it is what it is. It seems like that's our mantra anymore. It is what it is.



I'm trying my hardest not to be bitter, but so far, I'm not doing a great job. It bothers me that Nathan went to work, worked his butt off, and did the job he was hired to do and still got let go. It bothers me that the people that he's had to reprimand for not doing their job managed to kiss enough behind to keep theirs. It bothers me that I can't keep promises that I've made to the girls; about our October Disney trip, about our adoption, about our plans to go to the museum. It hurts. It really, really does.



But it is what it is. And I think to myself that it could be a whole lot worse. I thank God for the blessings that we do have. I thank God that we have a paid for house,a paid for car, and no credit card debt. I thank God that our expenses can and will be met by unemployment. I thank God that I still have my husband and children, and we'll have the opportunity to spend more quality time together now that we'll see each other all day. We'll be OK. We've been through worse. But it still sucks.

Attack of the Killer Japanese Beetle

We have an infestation in our garden. Our okra, roses, anise hyssop and corn are all covered in mating, chewing, destructive Japanese beetles. Since we're committed to growing our food organically, putting out a pesticide to take care of them is not an option. It's really no big deal though. Flicking them into a bowl of soapy water does the trick.

Since we have so many of the little buggers, I enlisted the girls help in the "pick'em and flick'em" game. I explained that the Japanese beetles needed to be destroyed and set them to their task.

Shortly after we started, Mary asked me this question: "Mom? Are they called Japanese beetles because they eat Japanese people?" Ummmmm, no, honey. They do NOT eat Japanese people. "Well then, are they called Japanese beetles because Japanese people eat THEM?"

Personal Safety

When I was 23 or 24, I lived alone and lived a single life, looking for "the one". I happened to meet a guy at work, got friendly and invited him over to hang out for an afternoon. But shortly after he got there, I noticed some signals that seemed to be off. Single girl, in an apartment, with a guy with bad intentions? Not a good thing. Thankfully my 100 lb Rottweiler Jewell picked up on my discomfort and my baby girl made a point to stand directly between this guy and myself, no matter where in the room he moved. And she displayed a little teeth action and low growl when he got closer than she wanted, which was about 8-10 feet away from me. Man I loved that dog. It turned out to be a very short visit, but I did learn my lesson about inviting people back to my place, regardless of how well I thought I knew them. Two things kept me safe. My ability to read signals and my big, protective dog.

Reading social cues, reading signals is such an important part of life. It keeps us safe. It helps develop friendships. It helps us at work. But it's something that is difficult, maybe impossible to teach. And I worry because Sophia isn't able to read social cues the way most people do.

At the fair on Monday, we arrived several hours earlier than the rides started. We checked out the 4-H exhibits, ate, and sat down at a shaded picnic table to wait for our friends. As we sat there, one of the carnies came to sit with us. This guy had prison tats. And I do know what those look like, having worked in a prison. They just don't look the same as a tattoo done on the outside. This guy started talking to my girls, ignoring me. My momma alarm bells kicked in high gear.

I got up and excused us from the table, explaining that we needed to go find daddy. I wanted to make it clear that we were not alone. I wanted it to be clear that another man was around to intervene if necessary. But instead of reading the social cues, instead of noticing that this guy looked different, sounded different and mom didn't like it, Sophia didn't get it. She piped up with the information that Dad was still at work. I said that Dad was taking some time to meet us today. She argued that he had to work and couldn't take the time off. I was ready to kill her!

After we finally got to a safer spot with other people around, I sternly chatted with Sophia about not contradicting me when we were talking to strangers. I explained why I was uncomfortable, why our personal safety was important, and how they could stay safe in the future. But after that conversation, I still don't think that she "got it". It just didn't sink in.

And so I worry about this child as she starts to venture into the world, more often without me or Nathan to protect her. Besides talking to the girls, having a safety word, running scenarios with them. . . . how exactly do I teach them to READ the actions of others.